Being Helpless
A personal hell or paradise?
Helpless is a term that brings sadness to many people and it is easy to understand why. As an individual, even I feel sad when I feel helpless but for me, it has two different reactions depending on the context of what situation makes me feel that way. As an individual in my professional life, being helpless is considered a flaw as you have to have everything under control so that you are able to provide the best outcome for your client and this is a feeling that I have experienced very rarely and it has almost broken me down whenever it happened. Thus, in my professional life, I have always made it a point to never leave anything out while planning so that this never happens. This makes me feel highly confident about my work life as I am an individual who never likes to depend on others for their work. I have zero shame in getting my hands dirty at times to speed up the work.
The second aspect of me loves the term “Helpless”. As a person I generally end up questioning myself as to why does my personality have two sides? One is a control freak who wants to lead and get things done in the field of work and the other is as submissive as it gets and wishes to lose all control and let go of all inhibitions and feel as “Helpless” as it gets. I feel that I am my true self when I am helpless. There is a feeling of fear inside of me even when I know that I trust the person completely and I have nothing to worry about. It is not that I cannot help myself about this fear but the fact that I love that mix of shudder passing through my body and the adrenaline cocktail in my blood coursing through my body. It makes me feel close to reality. It gives me a high that I seldom experience in my life. This one moment of helplessness gives me memories good enough to make me feel content for weeks or months depending on the intensity.
Coming to the point of how one can be helpless? The answer to this lies in the mentality of each and every individual. For me, I feel helpless by losing control and giving up all my power to someone in such a way that I am unable to do something without them. A state where I am crippled without them. This could be emotional, mental or even physical crippling. I love the idea of physical crippling where I am restricted in the form of restraints causing me to lose my movements and be in a state where my dominant has all control over my body. It is theirs for use. They can do things to me and my restrained body would not be able to make any movements to stop them. It is very important to have trust in these scenarios as trust is what makes it easier for one to feel okay in this vulnerable state. Coming to the second aspect of helplessness, the state of mental crippling. This state is again something that makes me happy. Being in submission requires a lot of mental strength as you are losing your free will to someone who is going to make a lot of decisions for you. This feeling gives me an extreme amount of joy as it tells me deep within how I have lost control of my will to my dominant. It puts me in a state of feeling owned. As a submissive, there are various things that can trigger this mental state. The last and final stage for me is an emotional crippling. This is a state that I am really scared of as this state is the one that makes me feel really sad and low when I get into it. I have a tendency of getting attached to people very easily and this ends up creating a big emptiness within me when I end up losing them because in my mind I move ahead towards a situation where I see that person sticking around for the long run. This helplessness makes me realize that I cannot always think about outcomes and I need to focus more on the process and let things take their own natural course which will in turn guide me to a state where I am emotionally, mentaly and physically happy.
So, to conclude, for me being helpless is fun when it is related to my personal life, hard when it is linked to my professional one and a personal hell that always puts me in a downward spiral when it is linked to my emotional state.
